I've wanted to be a mommy since I could push my Carebear in the stroller when I was, oh I dunno, three or so. I knew for a fact that I was going to be the greatest mom on the planet; better than any other mom I knew. Motherhood was going to be so much fun; I could give my baby baths, nurture it whenever it cried and then cuddle it until it felt better, feed it lots and lots of baby food -- the kind in the jars, put it to bed in a crib when it was time to sleep (and of course it would sleep), and of course... Diaper changes. Oh how I loved diaper changes -- when I was three and performing them on a Cabbage Patch Kid.
I went through life -- school, jobs, travel, partied -- and finally, FINALLY, had a baby. My dream has become a reality and now have my own little baby to call my own. My own baby to squish and to squeeze and to love and to hug all over.
Well let me tell you....
A Carebear weighs about a pound and a half, my baby? She came out a whopping 7lbs1oz. I measured her on my friend's Wii Fit the other night, she's just over 22lbs now. Baths? I was so happy when I didn't have to support her in the tub anymore because now I can just sit my butt on the toilet seat and read a book while she splashes around in the tub. I turn the tap on every once in a while just for her to fill her cup up and dump it out 500 times; this buys myself some more time. As for the crying? No one tells you how interconnected a mother is with her baby. Whenever a baby cries it's mother gets this tight, anxious, sometimes nauseous feeling inside. Baby food? Eww, yuck. Do you know the nasty stuff food companies do to their products? I would never subject my baby that shite. She enjoys organic, grown in the ground, homemade, mom's cookin'. She probably eats better than a queen and for that I'm quite proud :) But, it's sure a lot more effort than taking a lid off a package and saying, "here you go". And bedtime... Well, we sold the crib when she was about 8 months old because it was just turning into unfolded laundry storage. She has slept in our bed since she was three weeks old. Up until that point we were completely against co-sleeping because, after all, we would roll onto her, smother her, she would fall off the bed, or some other tragedy might occur. But, out of desperation for sleep, we put her in our bed, got a good night's sleep, and then realized how foolish we had been. She's been in our bed ever since. And then there's diaper changes... Let's just say, I will be a better mother when diapers are over.
She's going to start nurturing her dolls and wishing that they were real babies soon. Do I tell her the truth? Or do I let her live in her fantasy world for twenty-odd years and let her get blind-sided, as I did, when reality strikes?
Well, I'm going to sleep now. I'm going to go lay down, close my eyes and dream that I'm three again. I'll pretend that Stinker weighs a pound and that diaper changes are fun; that baby food isn't genetically modified and that I am a good nurturing mom when she cries and, of course, that I'm not sleeping next to a little munchkin.