We've been sick. She started it. Last week her dad and I took her to the emergency room in the middle of the night. We thought she had croup (is that how you speel it?). It wasn't croup, just a very bad cold. I was enjoying being a nurturing mamma and nursing her back to health all week. We went for stroller rides everyday and I wore her in the Ergo a lot. I was happy because after about three days I still was feeling great and wasn't catching her cold....
Then late one evening we were visiting a friend downtown...
I could feel the cold coming on. My nose was just a little too congested and I was sure it wasn't the pollution. I was feeling just a little too tired. In the morning, sure enough, I woke with a cold. Nurturing mamma was gone.
~ I just have to give a little history here ~
She has been sick, dad has been working a lot of overtime or had other things going on over the past couple of weeks and, as a result, I haven't been getting many breaks. I didn't mop my floor in three days and there was a mountain of scum underneath her highchair by the time I got to it. She projectile vomited the other night -- all over me and all over the bed. I cried like a baby while I blew up the air mattress in the middle of the night (thanks Charlie for leaving the air mattress behind!). Over an hour later we finally got back to sleep... But then she woke two hours later and by 6am I had only slept two hours. She slept in though, so I manged to get in another two hours. By the time I caught her cold, I was already feeling like, well, crap.
Long story short, I haven't been 'Holistic Mommy' at all. No, I've been 'Mean Mommy' -- Mean Mommy Who Snaps At Her Baby and Runs To the Other Side of the Room Hollering Noooooooo When Her Toddler Needs Her.
I always apologize after I'm mean to her and then thank her for being so understanding and tell her she's wonderful. Really though, I will snap at her and she just looks at me as if to say, "it's OK mommy, I know you're not really upset with me but it's OK for you to direct it at me. I don't take it personally, I know you're just having a hard time. Go on, vent away." No really, she really does communicate that... Although, if I don't get over it soon, I'm going to end up doing some permanent psychological damage to her. Today was my first time outside in 48 hours. The childcare licensing officer is coming on Wednesday to check my inspect my home. I need a vacation.
On the upside, she has learned to blow her nose, well...sort of. She pushes her lips together, makes a farting noise and then laughs -- definitely a Miller girl :)
I know this blog is all about her and I just whined about me the whole time. I just figure, even on a blog a mommy needs her "me" time :)