Saturday, December 6, 2014

Hahaha! I laugh in the face of...

I am in a panic. I still have three weeks before my move and do not have a place or income lined up. Since when do I panic?

Six years ago I was in this exact situation. I was moving here to Urbania with nothing but a baby, a college certificate, and $1000 that I had to pay back. I survived.

I'm also reminded of other times I have uprooted and survived. In my twenties, for example, the Gordon Campbell government came in and wiped out the Kootenay’s, shut-down schools, daycares, senior homes. There were no jobs. Laid-off government workers were applying to the mall foodcourt. Newly graduated from my college program, I left home with $60 cash, stayed with friends, found a fun job in my field. I survived. Then, two years ago I left a psychotic boyfriend. I sent Little One to her dad's, crashed on a friend's couch, and within 48 hours, had a wonderful and cozy apartment in a perfect neighbourhood with an amazing school. I survived.

Now, I'm leaving Urbania. I have financial support, Little One's needs are taken care of, she doesn’t need constant supervision, I have more skills, supplementary income, and new and exciting intentions. So what’s the deal?

Perhaps, it could be that this move is planned so I have more time to think and prepare. However, I believe the real reason is that this move is letting me learn to be myself again, to stay focused on my intention and to not let barriers sneak in. Barriers did not exist for me in the past, but since I began trying to operate on others ideals the trial and error, crashing and burning numerous times and my life crumbling before my eyes has really shook me up. This move is throwing all patterns that no longer serve me into my face  – and I get to smash them to pieces. With this new start, I get to take all the lessons and strength of the past decade while wiping out all the negativity that has been festering in me for too long.

When you set your intentions on being awesome and living, life just becomes fun and flawless. It’s just how it is. I'm going to enjoy every moment.

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