Holistic Mommy

Well that was a hefty couple of weeks. Her strep throat and being home really threw me off. We have not recovered. Very stressful around here. I am also going through some serious healing -- that life-changing transformation people go through after they've been through crap. I've been in a haze for six months straight. Many think it could be post-traumatic stress from God knows what incident this summer. I haven't even been able to sleep properly. However, in this life-transforming process, Magic is happening. I actually felt magic people! We found a place, the perfect place that only the universe could have made happen. It is so far away from anywhere I was even looking. In fact, it was in the 'no way, not living there' zone. However, turns out this is exactly where I want to be. We are now living in a cozy little house on a horse farm; it is pet-friendly with a gigantic yard, outdoor pool, epic storage space, kids all around, phenominal owners and FIVE HORSES! ...

Nothing exciting to report today. She’s been home for two days straight, possibly strep throat. We had our piano Christmas recital on the weekend. Tonight we saw Squire Barnes. I'm still unemployed and three weeks shy of homelessness. This week has solidified that I only want to work for myself and although there are many great job postings out there for these types of jobs, I have pretty much given up on the whole resume thing. I will put in about a weeks worth of effort but am focussing more on selling myself and my great ideas. I have found a writing group to keep me inspired and have hired Little One. Today I put her to work on making business cards and taking pictures of all the stuff I get to sell before our move. I paid her in cash and organic, fair-trade dark chocolate.

I am in a panic. I still have three weeks before my move and do not have a place or income lined up. Since when do I panic? Six years ago I was in this exact situation. I was moving here to Urbania with nothing but a baby, a college certificate, and $1000 that I had to pay back. I survived. I'm also reminded of other times I have uprooted and survived. In my twenties, for example, the Gordon Campbell government came in and wiped out the Kootenay’s, shut-down schools, daycares, senior homes. There were no jobs. Laid-off government workers were applying to the mall foodcourt. Newly graduated from my college program, I left home with $60 cash, stayed with friends, found a fun job in my field. I survived. Then, two years ago I left a psychotic boyfriend. I sent Little One to her dad's, crashed on a friend's couch, and within 48 hours, had a wonderful and cozy apartment in a perfect neighbourhood with an amazing school. I survived. Now, I'm leaving Urbania. I hav...

I have been on many adventures this year, starting on Easter weekend. I just throw my day in a backpack and then head out. I haven't been on any excursions recently, I keep smashing my cars. The last one left us broken and in pain. Bloody hell. Always when I get my life going too. Earlier this summer, my adventures led me to a farm which happened to be in the area I was eyeing up as my dream place to live -- the place I would manifest some property to build my ecohouse. On this farm, I learned to face my barriers (in less traumatic ways), and oh my are those barriers ever real. Recently I have had to make a decision. I am done with this leg of the journey. We are moving. We're  packing up, leaving and getting out of this too-many-horses town ... We are heading twenty minutes east - to the neighbourhod of my dreams. I feel excited. I'm feeling a purpose again and joy and excited to be moving forward with the momentum of the planet. Since accepting that I would have...

When she was younger I would write about our days together. Lots of adventures -- we were on a great path. Now, there is no joy in our day. We cry of boredom. She cries of boredom. We live in a community of half a million people -- but everyone is busy. They cancel plans. Children are in activities after school with no time to play. "Mommy, will you please play with me?"  "Ummmm, no?" So the poor dear plays by herself. A lot. She is amazing though. We throw on YouTube and Grooveshark for our tunes. Once in a while I'll let her play a game on the computer, but she rarely asks. Tonight she did the stop-go-stop-go-backtrack-go until she had all the lyrics to Ariana's 'Bang Bang' written out. She's going to practice it with her friend this week and then they will perform it for their class. My kid is rad. Soon we will leave Urbania. It's been seven years -- I truly gave it my all but this life is not for us.

You wouldn't believe where I am right now. I'm at home, sick with the stomach flu. I'm not really at home though. I'm at the public library because home is evacuated... Another fire in our building. So I'm at the library holding back my stomach contents, missing work, and evacuated from our building. There was a time when I could laugh about this sort of thing and I have three gut churning please-God-keep-that-dry-toast-down hours to try and remember those times. It is pretty ridiculous after all as it is the second fire-slash-evacuation since we moved in eight months ago. It does suck that I had to call my boss in to work for me. The poor thing has seven children and the last thing she wants to do is work my shift. I have a great history of not missing work but I'm a parent now and this is my fourth sick day since I started in September (Little One's sick days are also my sick days). Little One has such terrible anxiety from the last fire that I'm no...

Babies are so cute and snuggly. Toddlers are like little magical fairies that I love so much. Three year olds are my favorite. And four year olds? They're a fucking blast... She's 4.5 and her imagination is out of this world, she knows all the rules and laws (and enforces them consistently), she's maturing and enjoys time with her friends (but still wants mamma nearby), her sense of style and ability to match colours and patterns together is really starting to sort itself out (good gracious you should see some of the outfits she would put together when she was three) -- and she loves her family to death! She's laying in her boat while rowing it; I put out playdough and coloured popsicle sticks... Ice cream sundaes is what they come up with! Using every colour in the rainbow; her super-confident, out-going and funny personality.