Holistic Mommy

I've really gotten into the new whitegirl trend -- refinishing furniture. You know how it goes... The trend found me. You see, I don't buy anything new -- as everyone knows. Clothing is from swaps, sewing machine bought on consignment, furniture pulled off the side of the road, art supplies from Facebook Marketplace and house paint? It's from the recycle depot. There is such good paint being thrown away (can you believe it!). I realized today that the 'Behr Ultra Flat Matte' paint sample I salvaged years ago is actually high quality chalk paint. Anyway, my furniture-flipping days are upon us. And it all started with a kitchen table...  Followed by a nice chair (before and after)...   Four fucking lamps (before and after)...   A shelf (otherwise known as an 'entryway bench')... And now, this 'tea tree' green side table... Paint still drying... I operate very stealth-like and am limited to when the landlord is not home. Given that they are taking onli

So a girl walks into a bar, and... It's open mic comedy night. She has one of the 25 spots, and... Only three of the comics are female. 23 male comics talk about their penises, and... They're gross. These aren't her people, and... She contemplates that it's four hours to better comedy clubs. Not sure she wants to invest that much into healthier venues, so... Through anger and cognitive dissonance she stays. The worst she can do is a little bit better than the trash on stage tonight, and... Tells herself,  'I'll do my bit, then leave' Like Beyonce, she'll mingle with no one, but... The organizer forgot to add her to the list. 'Bullshit' , she thinks, and... Spirals into more anger and cognitive dissonance. They're so bad that she wonders why she is here, so... She decides to leave. She plans her exit, and... Wonders should she do it tactfully or just turn and go. There is no where else to do comedy, and... Her anger grows more. It is 4 hour

This is a satisfying. I used up an entire palette of watercolour paint. It takes a very long time to use up paint. I think I've had this for 15 years... I can't believe this day has finally come. The satisfaction in my soul right now is explosive. Now what will I do with my next 15 years?

A friend had a good idea not too long ago. "You should do face painting at the kangaroo farm! My friend did it one year and made a ton of money!" I happened to be receptive to this at the time. I have actually gone through great lengths to learn about face painting in the past. In fact, I still have a sealed box of Snazzaroo face paint sitting at home waiting for it's moment to be opened.  I contacted the kangaroo farm... "Sorry, we have a face painter with us this year... Best of luck in your endeavours!" I let it go -- but remained open to any opportunities. Now, one month later an opportunity has risen! Face painting this weekend (that is FOUR days from now) and again on the First of June. That is, like, a week and a bit from now! I turned to Fairy Fox Designs on YouTube and got insight into what to put in my kit:   This is quite a list. Now, I know I don't have to have everything at once but I will give a good effort to put together an 'above and bey

Right now I'm watching comedy, writing comedy, blogging and sewing a fish. I don't mean I'm doing these things today -- or this week. I'm doing all of these things right now. Watching comedy is a part of my homework for writing comedy. I am sitting on my yoga mat -- which doubles as my pattern cutting and pinning area. I have jokes coming through, finally, but now we're onto Bernie Mac and his voice is distracting me. I should turn it off and put on solfeggio tones; however, that will bore me. I will keep the comedy on. Now, I am pulling up the pattern for the fish... But first, I'll get that blog post out of my head. I want to show some of the things I've been sewing... Here you go:

I kept a blog for nearly six years. The entire time, I wanted, I asked -- I begged for people to leave comments. Comments are validating and fun and when I saw notification of a new comment, or best case, three comments received, it was an exciting morning. This is what I blog for -- the comments. Now, it is 2018. The internet has sucked all of humanity out of our communities and households. People spend way to much time indoors. I do not want people commenting or tainting my funny, beautiful blog posts. Bring your burning comment to your dinner table --  or staff room, the cashier line-up or to your bank teller. This is a one-way blog -- but I'm grateful to spark conversation in your life. Now it's 2024 and I am starting to write here regularly again. I didn't realize I have been getting comments all of these years. I have to moderate them. There were a lot. Bots, spam, who-knows-what. Glad I wasn't paying attention. I deleted them all. And I'll delete more in ano